Welsh Rabbit ~ Elder Care Lawyer interrupted me and said, “Lots of ‘them’ say they were in orphanages – they make it up.”

I was astonished. I had thought with asking for professional help my mother would finally be heard and get protection from neglect. And, right off the bat in the first five minutes of my giving a profile description of my mother to the newly court assigned attorney, he interrupts me and says, “lots of elders make up a story about being in an orphanage.”

Dear G-d have mercy and what poor creatures have had to suffer the maddening torture of some arrogant prick telling them they are making something up. Especially those who would have lived with childhoods during the Great Depression and this would have had to be and would be now many of the people in care of the courts. I say, I demand to be given a gun so I can off myself before the time comes.

I have to have the right to say this – this is my mother, anyone would. No matter what, no matter how far apart, no matter how close or how many disagreements – this was my Mamma and her voice was silenced – snuffed out.

My mother, Shirley Ann, and her six siblings were admitted to St Joseph’s Orphan Asylum on February 14th 1935.

The sisters called them their valentine’s gift – something to that effect. We not only have their admission papers to the Orphanage but we have their school records while there, photos of them there and with the sisters, their communion records and some foster placements. And then on top of that there are years’ worth of the orphanage’s newsletter and my mother and all her siblings are mentioned at one time or another.

This 1938 newsletter writes how Aunt Janie, Eleanor Jane, wrote to Shirley Temple, and in that fan letter, she writes she has a sister Shirley – that is my mother.

57095e6e-438d-4828-9df1-c840417d14a0 — How many people’s memories are denied

kidd 1940 2 — The 1940 United States Federal Census for the state, the county and the city where my mother lived, and there on the left the location is St Joseph Orphan Asylum, and there is my mother and four of her siblings. One other sibling is there and listed on a separate page with those with jobs at the Orphanage, and one sibling was at his grandmother’s. But all these children’s listing here on this page of where they were in 1935? was same place – the Orphanage

So we called for help but then my mother did not last long.

For years my mother recorded family stories and there are many wonderful recollections of old stories being repeated for decades and now generations. They are in her own words.

I lived overseas for years and we had nothing but letters, long distance calling was not like it is today and I was surprised with her lack of communication when I got back. But because the stories did not change, and she had told the same stories for decades, that I was able to learn her language of toothless, recovering from stroke slurred speech, she wasn’t confused.

Copy of Copy of Henson3 (2) — Part of Assessment Letter, fall of 2010

2010 – The nurse wrote above, “Ms. … is alert but confused. She answers some questions appropriately but not consistently. I asked what she liked to eat and she told me “welsch rabbit”. When I reworded the questions and asked what she had eaten that day, she gave the same answer.”

But the person doing the assessment was not interested in feedback after they had written their opinions.

Welsh Rarebit

Mamma had eaten this since the first Stouffer’s landed in grocery stores. We had had this for breakfast on toast that day. There was no confusion. And when tested at the two different doctors offices – she passed for clarity of thought. When I asked why only part of the evaluations were submitted to the court, the answer was, ‘oh but they did not need those records in court.’

She certainly could not keep up with getting the bills paid, she could no longer drive – (remind me to tell the driving story from 30 years before lol)

Her aneurysm of the brain, and following stroke and coma, happened after another bout of being beaten. My stepfather’s display of guns in the bags beside his chair and his screaming of why is your N-loving daughter staying with us, why doesn’t she stay downtown with her “friends”, this from a couple of the times I did visit, when he was still drinking. Mamma never touched a drop, well she did one time in about 1965 at Christmas at Aunt Margaret’s when she served Mamma Purple Passions on an empty stomach. I can’t vouch for before I was born.

But the stepfather flaunted the guns and also the handcuffs, and bragged how he used them on her when she would try to get away. Handcuff and beat and rape her.

Copy of scan1 for handcuffs — 1991 – She didn’t need his money – it killed her.

But a lawyer said oh no, don’t tell.

Really? Don’t tell? About the countless times ‘the county’ (county sheriff’s department) was called on domestics to the house for either my mother or my brother being beaten. Oh. oh, tip of the iceberg for brutality.

And no teeth – Mamma said just please tell me there is enough money to get teeth? – and there was, there was even insurance and the new person in charge canceled the insurance coverage and didn’t even get one set of dentures out of the coverage. Paid the dental insurance premiums all those years, and yet she never got any teeth? And, then after canceling the insurance the new person in charge snarled, “she is old she doesn’t need teeth.”

And to seal the deal, filled my Mamma’s head with, “oh she,” meaning me, “is wasting your money and costing us”. Never saying, there is certainly enough money for teeth for you.

She died covering her mouth, embarrassed over no teeth.

1986 shirley cherie pizza hut bham — 1986 – She didn’t ask for much when we asked the court for help but the teeth were at the top of the list. The only ones she ever had around were those that belonged to her mother-in-law and her only eyeglasses were broken reading glasses that had belonged to her late wife-beating rapist husband.

Copy of 1987 howie death shirleys hand — The in-between of the beating where she was severely hurt and the aneurysm??? I do not have an exact timetable. I lived in Hong Kong and I was not told. While in the hospital she had a stroke and according to my stepfather she was then thought gone, he removed life support and she did not die. He told the story when I came after Gulf 1, that the hospital called to say that she had woken from her comatose state but that she had no mind. They told him, ‘she was asking for her daughter’, and told them, “her name is Cherie and she lives in Hong Kong”. – I cannot describe the fury – but as he lay dying and begging for forgiveness his last days – of course I said yes, I forgave him. Heartbreaking shame.

Copy of Copy of 1991 shirley gulf war tshirt — 1991 – She had to borrow the broken reading glasses of her husband and at times was given her mother-in-law’s teeth. Those teeth helped for a photo where she did not look so sunk in, but she could not speak or even open her mouth and certainly not eat. (Those borrowed teeth were still in the house and found in 2010, the top, a part broken off and and it and the bottom both covered in a dry mold that looked dangerous to even breath close to them. – I brought her the t-shirt from Israel in 1991 – I was living in Israel then.

1 Copy of 1998 before shirley clarence seated — before 1998 – after 199? everyone knew she was embarrassed about no teeth. The premiums were paid and she could have had teeth. I offered the money and offered to sign anything and say I would not ask for reimbursement. It was just plain mean that she did not get teeth. EVERYONE knew she had always been embarrassed about no teeth. She voiced it – she did not want to go out looking like this – and she rarely did.

The Parrot and Senility

That year the dollar signs got in the establishment’s eyes, we got for her ‘Christmas toy’ the HASBRO FURREAL SQUAWKERS McCAW TALKING PARROT

And all the trimmings. I undid the twist ties and opened the blister packaging so she did not cut herself but I let her put it together. She got so curious she finally opened the instructions and had it not only playing its recordings but also recording and playing back messages as the toy was intended. You click record, say a short message, save and then play back.

Mother had no trouble making it work in short order.

And she loves Welsh Rarebit!

Then the change – and in some ways a thousand times worse –

At least ‘before’ she was allowed to look out her window, the reason that particular house was bought. Every morning she sat in the den double window to watch the sun come up and see and hear the birds play in her yard. From her first day in the house her chair was placed at this wonderful low window where she could watch life outside.

And the new people even took that away from her from day one, broke her heart. It had been bad enough the first person had stopped the birdseed but then this was cruel – better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.

When the house was bought, the bed had even been placed so that sitting up in bed she had a window to see out of. But that was taken also.

Even the care worker thought ‘they’ — the new help — could have taken all the living and dining room for their private area, keep the den the den for mother and use the small back room for theirs also.

But stuck her in a room with no view out but to the brick wall of the house across – – and she didn’t last long…

The pads were too expensive and she was ridiculed over damp soiled panties.

With old lady loss of bladder control, no hormones, I can’t imagine not having pads to wear and she was much older. I do have the photos of the care given by both caretakers in the form of whether underwear is clean or not and it is too gross to post – but maybe I should. It was just absurd greed to not allow pads. She could not laugh and she loved to watch her comedy shows and laugh like hell – so she had damp panties like all old women.

But no, it was said of her that, “she was lazy and wouldn’t go to the toilet, this was all her fault and she’s dirty.” But of course once I said I was recording no one said the tortuous things any longer. From my mouth to G-ds ears.

There were even antibiotics sent for infection from sitting in pee and poop and I asked a half a dozen times to see the receipt for getting and picking up the prescription – it appears she might not have even gotten that.

Insert pictures of filthy underwear

even after the court and their folks took over.

The food supplement drinks were considered too expensive so they were cut from two per day as the doctor ordered to one per day and then Zero. It was recorded at both the primary care doctor and emergency room doctor records she was starved and needed them and it was stated by those who took her for help that she was not getting any. And that she was screamed at for not eating the food she was given. What a nightmare.

Records from St Vincent’s Downtown and Primary Care confirm all this, as do statements by the new people themselves.

Never got to the bottom of the foot story, when i was finally allowed to speak to doctors again (of course in the beginning of my trying to help, she had not been to the doctor in years and I took her, and got her a few things to wear.

Copy of 2009 shirley day two dr2 — At Dr’s – he was astonished to learn that some people who did not even know her address – suddenly jumped in to claim her and drive the wedge immediately – and only over money. And that is ironic, the money they all left on the table without question. It was even alluded to (my grandmother’s land as it was referred to) early on and the attorney’s ignored it.

Years of wonderful tapes of mother talking and laughing and then… poof the relationship was taken and gone. We talked everyday and multiple times per day unless it was by country long distance and then maybe only every couple of days. She talked with us for the trip to the deep north of Ontario. She talked to the Welsh cousins in Wales and while they visited in Washingtn and when we went to New York. She heard the fireworks over the phone from the roof of the Canadian embassy and listened to the rehearsal for a great journalists show in D.C. And she called with every bit of inclement weather for her, for us and all the relatives. She called for birthdays. She always wanted the call with David of the evening as well and we had all these calls every day for years. Mother used to call back to tell a family story again because she thought of something else and tell me to start the recorder again. Priceless memories.

The new care person spoke how she was sick of her own mother’s calls and I felt sick – poor mother from one horror to another.

Instead, the tapes became those of people I did not know and never knew. I made it clear do not call me anymore unless you expect to be recorded – I made it clear I was recording every call, I would not listen to another hurtful word unless I recorded.

Then the recordings include those who would inherit, yelling, “I don’t care if its being recorded, tell so’n’so I’ll whip/beat his…” or another insisting, “…if we spend money there won’t be any left…” (I can’t make myself go back and listen again to confirm whether beat or whip).

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA — The understanding was clear – if you do not want to be recorded – don’t call me. I would not listen to another mean word, unless I recorded every word to prove how mean folks were in speaking to me. Right on the tape you hear one particularly rich exchange. I was threatened. Loud mouth boisterousness? Likely, but nonetheless. Then in unison from through the speaker phone you hear the choir, “oh no, X, don’t say that, remember it is being recorded”. Then X responds, “I don’t care tell Y to come down here and I’ll…” The shame.

The records of her weight and also in the photos her drop off of weight is clear. The records from the doctors offices and emergency rooms were also clear. From one – in finding infection and also she had moved during her lung x-ray, the doctor’s office records in her medical record that they tried to call the new person in charge – twice. No one ever returned the call. She died from advanced cancer – she it was a cancer attached to the lung. But no one ever called back.

Insert scan of senior care record

The folks talked mean… I would rather sit with hot thirsty rattlesnakes than ever see the inheritance bug hit anyone again. Breaks my heart, I will never get over it.

She wanted to stay and die in her house… and she did… and she didn’t last long…

feb 2013 wi mamma cornelius text 030 — In 2009 some of these folks did not even know her address. We took her to the doctor. But, then that ended and the law stood in the way of health care. Whether the law knew it or not does not bring my mother back. But there should have at least been a statute – that said people could not walk into court – and say, ‘the doctor says she is fine’. And for me? – so much for calling for help for my mother – it just made it worse in the long run. Then for me, there was no contact again with physicians until the last 8 weeks of her life. And to get the medical records? all wanted the letter from… who was in charge. This text was at the end of her life, numbered in days not weeks before she died.

I want a new law – a statute. I am not sure exactly what all it should say – but there should be a penalty for lying in court that a person is fine when the doctor said they were not. The court should require the proof. And a few other helps to protect the elder.

The pictures show how much weight she lost, and when she lost it – and the medical records reflect the same.

Did I waste my mother’s money as was said to the ‘senior care’? Maybe, I wanted her to have two food supplement drinks everyday – like the doctor ordered. Not none, not 3 per week, not even one per week did she get in the end. She relished it in the morning for years, she only shunned it when she was told – “it is so expensive and we have to pay for your food”.

I also wanted her to have her teeth.

Copy of sid hair shirley cherie — Beautiful with her natural face shape and with her own real teeth. I want the dental records about her being hit in the mouth.

See another story about my mother ‘Our Colors’

I miss you Mamma.