Its been a grave world from forever. But if the vice was really thinking, he should have realized the country needed to rein it in. “It” being reactionary living, unless of course the idea was to give trillions away to world bang bang.
Then ‘that man’ happened. Yep, its grave alright. I woke up the morning of November 7th and I went early to the drive-through for comfort food. I told the cashier it was time we all left the country and I wanted to go back to Canada. Then it hit me. I bet she can’t go. The black lady cashier can’t go.
Then I drove to the next window and the disheveled white lady handed me my drink and smiled sans most of her teeth. I hurt for her also, her poverty was showing. My teeth were pulled at about her age, I was 19. I understood toothless, white food waitress. I could not know the plight of the black lady. I am white, but yes, she would let me adopt her on my Canadian passport and go with me. The white lady handing out food was happy, her boy had won, she was saved.
I had to quit watching the news, one’s head can only explode so many times a day. I keep saying, all the criticism is not turning away ‘that man’s’ followers, it is strengthening them. All now ask will he win again? For the sake of avoiding civil war I bet he better win again, at least he will be busy part of the day if he is reelected. If he loses, he will tweet/disturb 24 hours a day. He makes George Wallace and Bull Connor look like amateurs.
I had to surrender. Current events were permeating all my writing anyway, why not write it out and move past it? Jump to today and the pain and words flow as quickly as the first time I cried over human confusion when I was 19.
All my work is DNA-for-genealogy and anthropology and this plague has even infiltrated the groups who search for dead people along with the living. I belong to and manage countless groups for family history and herstory and they offer support and even friendship.
I often tagged some of my stories “social justice” in my alternative-life blog and so I went looking for a new FB group. I thought if I found other people who were like minded, their love and support would help me get through all this hateful politics stuff that is turning ugly.
So I searched for a “social justice” group in Facebook, and there one was.
When I was just a runny-nose kid, folks said of me, “She aint’t right in the head, just ain’t right.”
Of course when I saw the little black girl lost in the rain, I ran out and got her and brought her in the house. Of course when the preacher said invite people to church, I invited my closest pal in the neighborhood, which was void of children. I could not understand and cried like a baby when he said he could not come to my church. He had to take me by the hand to my grandmother and explain, “Mz. Knight, Cherie doesn’t understand.”
Of course I spoke to the black girl in school. Boy, did that have unintended consequences. I did not last another month in that school. I could not move without being stared at and worse. I was scolded for feigning illness and not wanting to go to school, but soon collapsed and was hospitalized with a massive infection from tonsillitis which led to pneumonia, which led to the loss of the school semester, and quickly downhill, and then a dropout.
Of course I did not think, and was apologizing over and over, when we had to leave the neighborhood because I could not bring the black girl with our children’s group for trick-or-treating in the nicer neighborhood.
Of course, I did not care that the black man was drunk when I piled him into the car to take him for help. He was laying on the side of the road. Yes, he was drunk, but he was having a seizure, who cares?
I have written this so many times and then I ran away from home to get away from the racist bigotry.
Wrong. It is everywhere in the world and to this day, I have not found a place on earth that was not bigoted and its own hell also. Nowhere. And countless places that are still much worse.
This started with my asking how does one measure pain and worse or better writing? This also began ages ago and I have written it over and over.
Do I have, am I full of, race any thing, and everything? Of course I am! I am from Alabama, for G-d’s sake, everyday of my life I have to jerk myself back to remember all the idle time propaganda of every side, every day and twice on Sunday is filled with bias. I work still and always to remember – other people are just humans – shared humanity.
I cannot stand and do not wish to even know about politics. To me, as long as people are busy fighting and arguing this out, they are too busy to get together and make change. Let’s grass-roots this and make friends and then make more friends and tell these yahoos to stuff it. Stuff it in hell and back.
Sure, your pain is ten pounds and my pain is only a measly 2.5 pounds. Yes, I am reminded how privileged I am. In spite of my mother, the family took me in. And to this day, I still hear the snide, “Well you were always a problem and could never learn.”
But if all humans can only carry 1 pound of pain, then I will fall to my knees, crushed under the weight of my 2.5 pounds and am dead also. Yes, I can cry for you with your 10 pounds and your 4.3 pounds and for all the others, but why should we not cry with and for all our fellow humans? I won’t call people sisters and brothers – I think someone else has the corner on that phrasing.
Words now are only interrupted by that man, or questions about that man. This week the questions over and over and over and over and over are, is he a racist? Who gives a s–t?
Ask if his words could cause a civil war in this country. Ask if his words are meant to titillate his… …his people. (No adjectives Cherie, it will not be well received, otherwise.)
Ask if if his words could cause harm or cause others to do harm.
Ask if these words of his are successfully diverting all conversations to the subject he wants – race.
Ask him if this is really about rich and poor people. Ask if he laughs himself to sleep every night.
Ask if this feeding of his publicity stunts, by even answering him, is pumping up his people.
I do not know what is in that group yet. But I hope they are friendly.
later, https://marionettastrungout.wordpress.com/2019/07/19/integration-did-change-what-i-saw/
do not miss… Star Trek – from the heart…
“…I think of the Star Trek Next Generation episode where the crew encounters the meanest, most evil, fighting-killing monster. The creature is just getting worse and worse, killing more and growing, and the show is almost over. The good guys are fighting with all their might, but losing.
Then, I think it was Data who beamed in and yelled for everyone to think…”
Marionetta Strung-Out 
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